3 Tips that will Make You Better Prepared to Help a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Cope with Loss

People who live with Alzheimer’s disease find comfort in familiarity, especially as their condition worsens. While they may not remember everything or recognize everyone, Alzheimer’s patients are calmer when their situations are consistent. That’s why the loss of a spouse deals a devastating blow to Alzheimer’s sufferers; the loss becomes even more difficult to bear when the spouse was the patient’s primary caregiver.

If you are stepping into the role of caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s who has lost a spouse/caregiver, you will need to be prepared to tackle the specific challenges that accompany the loss.

1. Handle Communicating the Loss Delicately

   People with Alzheimer’s handle loss and grief in different ways, and their reactions often depend upon how far the disease has progressed. If your loved one is in the earlier stages of the disease, she will be in a better position to understand that her spouse has died.

   You should approach her grief much as you do your own and help her through the stages of grief by talking about her spouse, sharing stories, and spending time together as a family to help move through your grief and heal. She may struggle more with the initial stage of shock and denial more than others because of the emotional challenges that characterize Alzheimer’s.

   Unfortunately, people living in the later stages of Alzheimer’s have more difficulty comprehending the loss of a spouse. Many even forget as soon as the conversation ends that their loved one has died. Some experts recommend telling Alzheimer’s patients in the later stages of the disease about the loss once and then sparing them the pain of hearing the news time and again. Others recommend allowing patients to talk about their loved ones as though they are still alive because it gives them comfort.

   Of course, you will need to assess your loved one’s lucidity, behaviors, and personality in order to determine what is the best course of action to take when communicating the loss of a spouse. The key is to remain compassionate and empathetic when speaking of your loved one’s deceased spouse.

2. Be Direct When Discussing the Death of Your Loved One’s Spouse

   However, your loved one may have some difficulty remembering that her spouse has died. You should gently remind her of her loss and reassure her that she is loved and well cared for and surround her with family and mementos to help her work through her fresh grief. The following are some tips for telling your loved one about the death of a spouse:

   • – Provide information clearly and simply, such as using the words “has died” instead of “passed away”

   • – Use body language and physical contact as needed

   • – Avoid giving too much information at one time

   • – Give ample time to talk and offer support

   • – Understand that you likely will have to repeat information

   • – Try a different approach if your loved one becomes distressed

3. Be Prepared for Behavior Changes in Your Loved One Living with Alzheimer’s

   Even if your loved one does not seem to comprehend that her spouse has died, she may express her grief through her behaviors rather than through her words. For example, she may lose her appetite, refuse to get out of bed, cry frequently, become aggressive, or struggle with restlessness. It is possible that your loved one will exhibit other behaviors that are out of character for her. She may even develop an attachment to an object that belonged to her spouse because it reassures and comforts her.

   It is difficult to help a loved one with Alzheimer’s cope with the loss of a spouse who also was a primary caregiver. Some of the best ways to help her grieve include communicating the loss delicately, being direct when discussing her spouse’s death, and understanding that her new behaviors may be manifestations of her grief.