Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Anger

Absolutely no one is exempt from feeling anger from time to time. Perhaps you’re struggling with work, or a personal relationship has hit a snag. Even something very small can spark a bit of anger. However, not all anger is inherently bad—anger can be useful, and it can be healthy. But, of course, there is an important distinction between healthy and unhealthy anger, and it’s one we should all learn.

When is Anger Unhealthy?

ASimply feeling anger is never unhealthy. It is a valid emotion that everyone encounters. Whether or not your anger is healthy essentially comes down to how it is channeled and how you act upon it. Anger is considered unhealthy when:

• Anger is unhealthy when it hurts others – Acting out of anger in ways that hurt those around you is very unhealthy. It doesn’t address the anger, nor does it do anything productive. Often we hurt friends, family members, or peers because they are the source of our anger. But, even if they caused your anger, even if they did so unfairly, hurting them – verbally, physically, emotionally – solves nothing and only damages your relationships.

• Anger is unhealthy if it is selfish – We can all be selfish or self-interested on occasion, and that isn’t inherently bad. What you need to do is ask yourself “am I being unreasonable?” If you struggle to answer in a way that justifies your frustration, your anger may be unhealthy in this situation.

• Anger is unhealthy when it controls your actions – Rising to action is what anger is actually for. It should drive us to solve problems and understand why we are becoming frustrated. But when acting out of anger, as you would with passive aggression, or violence, then you are letting your anger control you rather than harnessing your anger as a means of motivation.

Expressing Anger Constructively

While anger is most often viewed as a negative emotion, this is primarily because it is often channeled in unhealthy ways. Anger can be scary, both for you, and the people around you. But when anger is used constructively, it can make us more resilient and tolerant, while also providing us with the drive to solve an issue in our lives.

Anger is at its healthiest as an emotion when we use it to identify and resolve problems we are having. Being angry is a signal—it tells you that there is inequality in a situation, or that you have a problem that is not being resolved satisfactorily. When you can step back and harness your frustration, you can use your energy constructively.

When you feel angry, step number one should be to de-escalate, either yourself or the situation you are in. Politely step away and give yourself a moment to cool down. From here, you can reflect. Dig in to figure out why you’re angry in the first place. If what caused your anger is an ongoing issue, begin to work toward a solution.

Always avoid burying or failing to acknowledge anger. When you’ve become mad, let others know (do so without being violent or hurtful) so that you can step back and tackle the issue with the other parties involved. When you come to a solution, you’ve used anger for its intended purpose: to solve a problem.