We’ve all been there: stuck in a conversation you’re not interested in or are hearing things you don’t want to hear. When this happens, it’s easy to just shut down and not really listen to what the other person is saying. But you shouldn’t do this, instead you should listen intently and take in every word you’re hearing.

Don’t Shut Down

If you’re in a conversation you just don’t want to be in, it’s inconsiderate to just ignore the other person. You should either listen to them or excuse yourself from the conversation. It’s better to be professional than immature in these types of situation.

If someone is criticizing your work or something of yours, your initial response might be to ignore what they’re saying. This may seem better than listening because you don’t want your feelings to be hurt or your work undermined; but it’s unhealthy because any legitimate advice or criticisms will be missed – you’re stopping yourself from learning and improving.

Take in What is Being Said

Again, it may hurt to hear what people are saying. You may want to insult the person back because your feelings are hurt – this is not a good idea. Simply listen. Don’t ignore your emotions at the time, but don’t let them interfere with the advice you may be getting either.

When the other person is finished speaking, you don’t have to immediately respond. Instead, reflect inwardly and try to really understand what the person is saying. Odds are, the person is trying to help you out and not solely hurt your feelings. They may even know that what they are going to say will hurt you, and they may be struggling with telling you! Strong relationships – of any type – thrive on good communication skills.

Use “I” Statements

This way, if you are feeling strong emotions, you don’t accidentally sound accusatory. It is totally okay to let the other person know that you heard what they said and your feelings are hurt (if they are doing it to help you). But you don’t want to hurt their feelings in return. If you use “I” statements, this prevents that from happening. Something like, “I heard this and it makes me feel this way. I know this is something I need to work on and I appreciate you trying to help me.”

You don’t want to ward off someone who is truly trying to help you and never receive feedback from them again!

Ask Why

If you don’t know why someone is saying what they are saying, ask! Receiving unclear advice can be frustrating, so asking for them to explain will not only help clarify, but it also creates opportunities for you and the person with whom you’re speaking to work together on improving.

Avoid Power Struggles

These happen when two people fight about who is in control of a situation. When someone is telling you something you don’t want to hear, you might want to respond with criticism of your own – don’t do this. This will only hurt their feelings and stop them from trying to help you in the future. If you feel like there may be a power struggle approaching, it’s important to keep a few things in mind:

Be aware of your body language and facial expressions. Crossing your arms or putting your hands on your hips is a sure-fire way to nonverbally let someone know you’re closed off and won’t receive information well. Don’t stand too close to the other person either; this can feel uncomfortable or threatening. Don’t roll your eyes or have an angry expression. Try to keep your body language open and inviting.
Avoid sarcasm; sometimes sarcasm can be a fun aspect of conversation, but not in this situation. Sarcasm will only make the other person defensive and closed off.
Watch your tone of voice and volume. Talking too fast or too loudly will make it easier for your emotions to skyrocket. If you talk too slow, it can be patronizing and frustrating. Try to maintain a normal conversational tone and volume, this will help you keep your emotions in check and stop the situation from escalating any further.

In the short-term, ignoring what people are saying and being defensive might feel better. But in the long-term, you are doing yourself a disservice. Each time it happens, it will make it easier for the next time. You will grow and become a stronger leader. Being able to hear things you don’t want to hear will help you improve in both your professional life and personal life. Remember, if all else fails, just listen.

Don’t Ignore What People are Saying – Do This Instead!

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