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May 21, 2019
Posted by
Jess Sexton
There are three types of listening: pseudo, passive, and active. But what is effective listening? It isn’t just hearing the noises of a conversation; it’s understanding and caring about the person with whom you are speaking.
Pseudo – this is when you are only pretending to listen. This is not an effective listening strategy. In fact, it isn’t listening at all!
Passive – passive listening is much more effective than pseudo listening. This is when you’re listening silently while another person is speaking, yet you express your interest nonverbally through your facial expressions or body language.
Active – active listening shows you seek to understand what the speaker is saying. You could do this through asking questions or through a combination of verbal and nonverbal cues. Active listening invites two people (or however many are in the conversation) to have open dialogue. It also shows that you care about them and their feelings.
These allow the person you’re speaking with to express how he or she feels about the topic of conversation. Open-ended questions tend to get more than a one-word response out of someone. If you’re struggling to communicate with someone, try asking a few open-ended questions and see how they open-up!
This is one way to make it clear that you understand what is being said to you – and if it reveals that you didn’t understand, then the person you’re speaking with will know they need to clarify what they were saying. And – you guessed it! – clarifying is another way to effectively communicate!
Clarifying is used when you are unsure if someone is understanding you or if you are unsure of what someone is saying to you. This requires you to make a guess or ask a question (side note: you should never be afraid or hesitant to ask questions!). This shows that you are trying to understand and that you truly care about what the other person is saying.
This is similar to paraphrasing; reflecting emphasizes the feelings behind what someone is saying. You can do this by restating what was said and the emotions that came with it.
Extended periods of silence can feel awkward, that’s why this is one of the more difficult listening techniques. You don’t need to fill silent moments with conversation – even if you’re screaming internally about the awkwardness. Silence can give the person you’re speaking with a chance to gather their thoughts and feelings. This is especially helpful when you’re having a difficult or emotion-laden conversation.
Effective listening is a skill that helps anyone advance – you communicate better, you understand better, and you show that you are not just going through the motions. If you’re ever having trouble communicating with someone, think back to these tips and try some out! Before you know it, more people will start coming to you when they need to express themselves because they know you’ll listen.
