Instilling Confidence & Competence in Children

We all want the best for children in our care, but knowing what is best for them – what will ensure they grow up to be happy and healthy adults – isn’t always easy. In fact, building a strong foundation of confidence and competence in children can be extremely difficult. This is especially true for youth in care, as they have difficulties and struggles that children raised in a traditional family setting don’t normally have to worry about.

Youth in Care

Know that raising youth in care is different from raising a child in a normal home. You cannot set your expectations for them based on what children their age are typically capable of – emotionally or intellectually. Go in with an open mind, ready to adjust your approach based on their individual levels of competence and experience. Gauge their emotional and intellectual levels, then work from there!

Confidence

Confidence is a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Building confidence in children – especially youth in care – takes a bit of self-awareness from the caregiver.

Be sure to address children by name, and ask them questions in an open-ended manner that encourages thoughtful replies. If you notice problem areas – areas where a child’s confidence is lacking – set some time aside to address them in a healthy way.

Make sure to set realistic goals for the child – and give them appropriate praise when they succeed. At the same time, teach them that failure is not the end of the world, but an opportunity to learn, to become resilient in the face of defeat. Positive thinking is the backbone of confidence!

Competence

While confidence is one’s belief in one’s own abilities, competence is the ability to to do something successfully. Confidence without competence will only lead a child to frustration and disappointment later in life, and competence without confidence will prevent a child from valuing him or herself properly.

The key to building competence in children is not controlling them at every turn, but coaching them on the best way to success. Set manageable tasks that are appropriate for the individual child’s abilities, step back, and let them try. Their successes will let you work your way up to harder challenges (and in turn greater successes!) and their failures will give you the opportunity to acknowledge their issues and work with the child to find a resolution.

To build competence, you want to keep youth motivated – don’t set them up for failure, don’t try to coerce them into tasks, and absolutely do not put them down for a perceived failure. Don’t give them empty compliments or praise either – a simple “Good job!” for a completed task doesn’t tell the child what was good, or why. Instead, focus on empathizing with them, and describe why you are praising them.

Rebelling

All children are guilty of acting out on occasion. It’s their best way of expressing frustration. This holds especially true for youth in care. Always keep in mind that rebelling or acting out is only the child’s surface behavior. If you find a child acting out often it’s important to explore how the child is feeling, why they are feeling that way, and why they felt the need to act out in order to express him or herself.

Remember that each time you interact with a child, you have the opportunity to shape their future – to teach, to empathize, to soothe their anxieties, and to heal their pain. Provide them with a safety net, let them know you’re there to catch them if they fall, and you’ll be amazed at what children can accomplish!